I will be fine...

Had an outing with a nice n perfect guy 2day...

i know this is a guy i could totally trust on, and a guy who wont hurt me for surely...

but im frustrated with myself...for not falling for a nice guy like him...

fell for a total jerk instead...a heartbreaker....

though im trying to distract myself from thinking of him...but i couldnt!

i feel so powerless....the every corner of the place reminds me of him!

every expression of him r still so clear as if happened yesterday...

everythg is jz too sudden without a clue...i still couldnt accept it...

kept asking myself wat's going wrong? why did this happen?

i tried so hard to hide my sadness and sorrow d all day...

dunwan 2 b another jerk dissapoint the gud guy infront of me....

trying to smile lk the normal me...trying to act normal as if nthg happen....

bt the inside me was empty....i felt nothing at all....

there were few times i doubted if my heart is still pounding...

i felt disconnected with the surrounding....

i knew this would be unfair for this gud guy....

bt all i could say is sorry....i said it in my heart repeatedly....

Our program goes: lunch, movie, dinner, movie....

then we ended our day wt a gudbye....

when i got in my car preparing 2 leave...

all of the sadness i've hidden for so hard burst into tears....

i couldnt stop my eyes from leaking.....

i was just depending on my subconscious to drove me home...

i hardly sees the lights and the direction...

all i see was the reflection of our memory....

so real...yet so far....

could any1 pls extract or delete this part of my memory??

this memory makes me feel so breathless....

n now only i realised hw much i've gotten myself into....

never in my control...i totally hv no idea hw deep i've thrown myself in....

i think i love him....n i miss him....

more than i expected....

can som1 pls give me a hand n pull me up frm drowning...?

i just wan d happy me back....enough for this emo me...feel so strange....

all i can tell myself is 'i will be fine'....

yes...i will be fine....

无奈的沉默

心中有好多的不舍

一幕一幕甜美的回忆不断再播映

经过的每个角落

都让你每个表情变得更清晰

我们曾经离幸福那么的近

一瞬间

泡沫般

不见了

还来不及反应

已成为过去

留下的遗憾

说不出

手机整夜响个不停

心中有多难过

这是我多想接的电话

是我多想听的声音

但谁知道这无情的背后

有多少的无奈。。。

音乐将耳膜都淹没了

还是遮掩不了心里的哭泣

才发现

坚强。。。好难。。。

才发现

我在不知不觉中

陷得那么深了

有时沉默。。。

是因为有太多说不出口的无奈。。。

World within a crystal ball

hmmm....1st time feeling so helpless in life...

just realized there are something we really couldn't have it

no matter how hard you want it

no matter how close it seems to be

you just have to surrender and give up

conserve it in a time capsule with love & sorrow

and buried in your deepest heart

which no one can see

Is this so called destiny?

something are just not meant to be together

you are under control

what you need to do is just follow the script

and try your very best to fit in the character you've been positioned

even you tried to escape and be rebelled

it was just a waste of energy

nothing much gonna change

and after all

still you've to believe the reason of all is

'for my own good'

Im like living in a timeless secret garden of Eutopia

where everything is so perfect and beautiful

been isolated from the outside world

just like the crystal ball....

Just wanna BE WITH YOU

I've been following your footsteps all these years,

anything and everything you've had asked me to do,

without questioning.

Though sometimes was an opposition to my heart and willingness,

yet im still doing it out of respect and love.

I dont know if i really love this guy,

but this time,

the 1st time,

I want to make my own choice,

I want to make my own decision.

At least in love,

I want to follow my heart and senses,

experience the rebellions of love.

Even if it may be a mistake,

I will still accept it with a gentle smile and drift with the wind of sorrow,

leave without regrets.

It is the pain,

makes me human;

It is the tears,

differentiating a human and a tree.

I know,

It may not be the best or wise decision,

but I just wanna be with you.

It may not be a blessed relationship,

but why care so much,

I just wanna be with you.

It may be hard and tough to get over those obstacles,

but as long as you are by my side,

having each other at the back supporting,

we will still be able to get over it.

All I want is to be with you....as simple as it is.... :)

Quick thoughts

A song suddenly pop-ups into my mind...

"I'd rather hurt you honestly

then mislead you with a lie

And who am i to judge you

on what you say or do...?"

爱情？感谢？

最近的心情真的很低落。。。毕竟把那件事就这样搁着心里真的很不好受。。。

我很欠揍吧。。？ 我也很想揍我自己。。。

最近我想了很多。。我想我知道答案了。。。

之前我分不清我对他是什么感觉。。。是爱情？感谢？还是感动？

我一直觉得亏欠他好多。。。也一直告诉自己他有多好。。。

他的确好的无话可说。。。感觉辜负这么个好人会遭天谴。。。

也常说服自己或许我那份感觉是喜欢？

可是最近有个人让我明白喜欢跟感谢是不可相提并论的。。。

我对他的感觉。。。是感谢。。。

多希望我喜欢的是他。。。可为什么事情往往都背道而驰呢。。？

为什么很多事都不能如你所愿？

该告诉他吗。。？

可是之前又说过了一次。。。

所有的问题又回到原点了。。。没有结论的结论。。。唉。。。

我不否认我真的蛮在乎他。。。很害怕伤害他。。。

但那份在乎我明白不是爱情。。。。

我。。。真的很坏。。。。。